Garrett (Justin Long) and Erin (Drew Barrymore) attempt to make their relationship work while living on opposite coasts.
Not even bad-movie-Band-Aid Drew Barrymore can patch up “Going the Distance,” an infernal rom-com that holds a secure spot on the list of the year’s worst films.
Barrymore plays Erin, a slightly manic overgrown tween who’s supposedly a crackerjack journalist underneath her thick layers of arrested development. Barrymore’s real-life beau, Justin Long, is Garrett, the token nice-guy-in-need-of-a-dating-manual who meets Erin in New York, then tries the long distance thing when she leaves for San Francisco. Both phony, paper-doll characters are detestable, and they’re not even the worst ones.
Director Nanette Burstein has an aptitude for documentary (she’s the woman behind “On the Ropes” and “American Teen”), but her narrative feature debut exhibits the insight and sense of humor of a 15-year-old living in a box.
The people in Geoff LaTulippe’s script — annoying, as-seen-on-TV archetypes all — are the creations of someone who either hates 30-somethings or hasn’t met a live one in a decade. Everything they like and talk about is a mundane Gen-X cliché, from “Top Gun”-era Tom Cruise to “The Shawshank Redemption” to the incessant cry of, “Who DOES that?!?”
Moreover, “Going the Distance” is unfortunately crude, yearning for the foul-mouthed cuteness of a Judd Apatow flick but straining with every step. There’s nothing funny, edgy or endearing about its recklessly dropped F-bombs, slapstick sex scenes or masturbatory jokes, especially when they’re delivered by Dan (Charlie Day) and Box (Jason Sudeikis), two of the most ingratiating best-bud-buttinskies in memory.
Amidst all of this (and long before poor, squandered Christina Applegate is introduced as Erin’s stern sister), the couple’s romance barely registers. And, though there’s a glimmer of charm in their New York courtship, filmed on the fly in shaky cam, much of their love story consists of back-and-forth repetition and whining about painfully predictable conflicts.
“Going the Distance” lives up to its name in the worst way — it’s a long trek through comedy hell.
Going the Distance
R
One reel out of four
In area theaters tomorrow
Solitary Man
R
Available Tuesday
Ailing superstar Michael Douglas gives a slick, expert performance in “Solitary Man,” a sophisticated tragicomedy that follows the self-induced descent of Ben Kalmen, Douglas’ regressive, very-badly-behaved central character.
Written and directed by Brian Koppelman and David Levien, the film co-stars Jesse Eisenberg, Mary-Louise Parker, Susan Sarandon and Douglas’ longtime friend, Danny DeVito. SPR
The greatest sin every bad movie commits is disregarding the better judgment of its audience. The modern masses may be all-too-willing to shell out oodles of dough for mediocrity, even garbage, but that’s no reason not to wag a finger at those who make said garbage, then dare to ask for payment in return, thus continuing the vicious, subpar-cinema cycle.
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