Eric Lamonsoff (Kevin James), from left, Kurt McKenzie (Chris Rock), Marcus Higgins (David Spade) and Lenny Feder (Adam Sandler) talk at the reception following their coaches memorial service.
I suppose there are worse things you could do with yourself than sit through a screening of “Grown Ups,” but, then, there also are worse things than being force-fed fistfuls of Ambien and arsenic and having your eyelids peeled back while puppies are slaughtered or being lobotomized in a torture chamber. These are the kind of cruel, unusual and comparable punishments that raced through my mind as I prayed for the end credits of this nightmare of 40-something male infantilism. I swear I saw the wasted minutes burn up as they passed by.
The impetus behind the lakeside reunion of old friends Lenny, Eric, Kurt, Marcus and Rob is the death of their childhood basketball coach, who may have keeled over after learning the players he hoped would grow into honorable men instead became Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider, respectively. Out to steal your money so you can watch them mistake testosterone for brain cells, these increasingly irrelevant comedians have never been less likable, which, for some, seemed like an impossibility.
Accompanied by their cartoonish families (why, oh why, did Salma Hayek and Maria Bello agree to do this?), the guys have the task of spreading their coach’s ashes out on the lake, but their main activities include deploying boatloads of witless, blatantly premeditated jokes, and engaging in painful-to-watch slapstick that makes “America’s Funniest Videos” look highbrow.
It’s contemptible that Sandler actually sat down and wrote this dreck, then hired director Dennis Dugan, the guy who’s made Sandler’s resumé shine like a glass-covered landfill with films like “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.”
“Grown Ups” is not without good intentions and the road to its lakeside hell is paved with them. For one thing, it attempts some tender generation-gap-bridging as the dads try to get their spoiled kids to appreciate outdoor, analog pleasures.
But every emotion is offensively transparent, and every potentially winning moment is squashed by bad humor. It’s a movie terrified of maturity. If only it were made by grown-ups.
Grown Ups
PG-13
One reel out of four
Now playing in area theaters
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
R
Available Tuesday
This Swedish-language adaptation of late author Stieg Larsson’s enormously popular bestseller, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” falls victim to some weak plot twists, but still boasts a highly engulfing story and a fierce attitude.
Swedish-Icelandic actress Noomi Rapace is terrific and intimidating as the titular femme fatale.
The greatest sin every bad movie commits is disregarding the better judgment of its audience. The modern masses may be all-too-willing to shell out oodles of dough for mediocrity, even garbage, but that’s no reason not to wag a finger at those who make said garbage, then dare to ask for payment in return, thus continuing the vicious, subpar-cinema cycle.
Article:
The Avengers
Article:
Horoscopes 05-10-12
Article:
Summer movie preview 2012
Article:
Horoscopes 05-03-12
Article:
The Raven
Article:
Horoscopes 04-26-12
Article:
The Cabin in the Woods
Article:
The Deep Blue Sea
Share this Story: