Alice (Milla Jovovich) keeps steady aim on her many enemies, including the ones she finds in a zombie-filled L.A.
The “Resident Evil” sequels once had hopeful titles like “Apocalypse” and “Extinction.” The new one, shot in punchy 3-D under the misguidance of the original’s helmer, Paul W.S. Anderson, is crushingly called “Afterlife,” confirming this franchise, however inert, is far from extinct, and is adamantly set to remain undead.
Based on video games, obsessed with firepower and featuring femmes who kick ass with supernatural finesse, these movies, we all know, are catered to geeks. But even the most CG-hungry, bound-to-his-bedroom Second-Lifer wants — and deserves — better cine-trash than this.
Anderson, who’s at least penned and produced every “Evil” installment, is one of the world’s worst filmmakers. Also responsible for “AVP” and “Death Race,” he’s an uninventive, blatantly derivative showman and a witless storyteller. I lost count of how many times “Afterlife” Xeroxed the style and scenes of “The Matrix” and the awfulness of the writing is unbounded.
When Alice (Milla Jovovich) and sidekick Claire (Ali Larter) depart the false promised-land of Alaska and set down in a demolished, zombie-overrun L.A., they meet the survivors: A male model, a failed actress, a Hollywood producer and a wrongfully imprisoned hunk played by … Wentworth Miller of “Prison Break.”
The movie’s events are rabidly nonsensical and I’m in no way referring to Alice’s logic-shattering skills as an Uzi-toting escape artist. How about how one man is able to hop on the tail of a plane and keep it from falling off a roof? Or how three characters verbally recognize a trap then walk right into it? Or how … oh, forget it.
Anderson and Jovovich, the muse and auteur of worthless modern sci-fi, are married. Given the steady box-office haul, instead of having more children, these two will probably just keep making more sequels, adding to the highly crowded mess of forgettable F/X fests. “Resident Evil: Vasectomy,” anyone?
Resident Evil: Afterlife
R
One reel out of four
In area theaters now
Robin Hood
PG-13
Available Tuesday
Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood” is by no means your mother’s, or anyone else’s for that matter.
Taking the prequel approach and turning Robin (Russell Crowe) into a rough soldier akin to the hero in Crowe and Scott’s “Gladiator,” the epic reworking drew jeers from purists. But it boasts adventure by the bundle, along with Scott’s usual atmospheric brilliance. SPR
The greatest sin every bad movie commits is disregarding the better judgment of its audience. The modern masses may be all-too-willing to shell out oodles of dough for mediocrity, even garbage, but that’s no reason not to wag a finger at those who make said garbage, then dare to ask for payment in return, thus continuing the vicious, subpar-cinema cycle.
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