South Philly Review

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Dear readers, we are faced with a real problem in our beloved city. In its infinite wisdom, the City Charter requires Philadelphia have a balanced budget. We are told the City is facing some tough choices, which is political speak for “you’re not going to like what I’m about to propose.”

The mayor has proposed a 2-cents-an-ounce tax on sugar-added drinks and a fee for trash collection (the difference between a “fee” and a “tax” is a bit subtle). Mayor Nutter has our best interests at heart. The soft drink tax is to help curb childhood obesity and, by the way, raise tax revenue. His Honor does not mention whether there are any social benefits associated with a trash fee, but I think they should be obvious. Meanwhile, Councilman Frank DiCicco thinks an increase in the property tax would be more equitable for those with low income and seniors, but I am afraid he fails to see the forest for the trees, so to speak.

It seems fairly obvious to me the mayor is right about the benefits of a soft drink tax. Poor folks won’t be able to spring for a $1.44 tax on a six-pack of Coke. The rest of us will probably continue to swill the sugary stuff anyway. Sports fans continue to slop up beer, even though it costs $6.50 a bottle. The guy in the row in front of me at Citizens Bank Park uses his empty bottles like Legos, his best effort being an edifice closely resembling City Hall.

If the poor begin drinking untaxed Diet Coke, while we grow fat on regular Coke, there could be an imbalance in weight. Their kids will become fit while ours will wind up as adults who can’t fit into a Southwest Airlines seat. You think you’re kid has trouble making the basketball team now, just wait. Yes, there will be social consequences for the hard-working middle class and affluent robber barons who have made our system what it is today. But take heed thy social conscience.

Some grumps argue if the tax on soft drinks works and demand drops, it will create an unintended consequence. If you are depending on the revenue from a soft-drink tax to help close a budget deficit, then the less people drink, the less money for the City. Call it Catch-22.

I really believe in taxing our way to good health. Just think of the possibilities. Why not a tax on cheesesteaks and hoagies? If you can tax soda by the ounce, why not sandwiches based on ounces of meat? How about a tax on pizza? Tax the hell out of the unhealthy meat lover’s pizza and exempt the veggie. Tax anything parmigiana-style. Of course, this might cause a run on wings, so tax them too, with an exemption for the Wing Bowl (we don’t want to put porn stars and strippers out of work).

New York is thinking about banning salt from restaurant food, but we could be smarter and tax the level of sodium. There’s a fortune to be made from taxing luncheon meats, including hot dogs. I have a friend who paid $34.99 a pound for prosciutto. She won’t even notice if we slip in a couple of extra dollars tax.

Regarding a fee for trash collection, you might argue trash collection is one of the very few services you get from the City anyway. You might ask, if I pay a fee does that mean my trash will be collected on time even when it snows or there is a holiday? If that too much, would paying the fee at least guarantee me if the collectors break a bag tossing it in their truck, they will clean up the mess before they leave? All good questions, which will fade once I outline the societal benefits of a trash collection fee.

How will trash collectors know whether you have paid your fee? How about using special containers, like the recycle can? Sure, these might get stolen. I myself, can’t always locate my recycle can, even after trash pickup (one day I found it across state lines). But here’s a social benefit — if someone steals our special trash containers, it will give us South Philadelphians something other than parking spots to fight about.

I suggest basing the trash fee on the amount of trash you put out. Of course, this might encourage unscrupulous folks to drop their trash off in front of your house in the dead of night. But this too would help take our minds off our parking problems. Some bleeding hearts like DiCicco are worried this fee, like the soft-drink tax, would fall disproportionately on our poor citizens. I say this fee will provide an incentive for the poor to put out less trash, which is not only good for the environment, but will help keep their neighborhoods clean. I am frankly surprised the councilman does not realize the considerable social benefits that would accrue to the poor from these new taxes.

In summary, if we enact the mayor’s taxes, we will have improved the lot of poor people in Philadelphia. And the City will make a few extra bucks.